Back on Track; Random Thoughts

Well I have been off the road for quite some time. I am getting really out of shape to what I was just a year ago. One year ago I was training for an ultra marathon. I had my weekend runs up to 25 miles on Saturday and 35 miles on Sunday both around seven minute per mile pace. I set some goals for myself; one is to run a sub 60 minute 10 miler and the other is to be able to go at least 25 miles again.
Well, after many months of not running like I should’ve I’ve decided to start the training once again. I’m kind of nervous to see exactly where my body’s current fitness level is at, but in the end I knew I had to start this again. It is kind of strange to think that a year ago I was training for a 50 mile ultra marathon and that two and three years ago I was in the best shape of my running life, running 90 mile weeks and surviving cruel speed workout sessions. I will finally see what my body is capable of after putting up with so much punishment. I can hardly wait…
Thoughts of my old college cross country t-shirt comes to mind when I think of the state of my running condition is in; “Seven days without running makes one weak,” Oh crap this is going to hurt.
I fully understand that I am no longer that guy with the full beard and long hair who ran only to run, I am no longer the kid in college trying to prove to the world that I am not worthless. I understand these things. But it is hard to let go of that mindset. It was a way of life for me, I craved the run… I needed the run. It was how I expressed myself, like an artist painting on a canvas, a writer starting on a blank tablet. It was who I was, who I am. If they where to write the story of my life a large chapter would be on my realizations while running. I screamed out to God asking Him for answers of things I didn’t understand why. Not running, pardon my language, made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Sure people where impressed with what I did, but it wasn’t about what I did, but rather what I could do. After running I felt more intelligent because my thoughts where clear and not all cluttered around in my brain. It made me feel like a normal person.